Ballad of the Erstwhile Warrior

399sigma

Ballad of the Erstwhile Warrior
An ancient study in slant rhyme

In days when monarchs were the norm
And weapons were of mettle
There was a man whose nerves were too
And led men into battle

He had slain lions, bears, a giant
Without the aid of sword
And co-fleshed with the king’s own seed:
His bravery’s reward

Years later, having grown and wised
He scored his in-law’s office
And stoutly governed his domain
And won the land great profits

His military tact and wile
Shame those of Scipio
While his charisma was the model
Employed by Cicero

But in this tale of his great fall
Kings’ armies hardly move-
The real battle lines were drawn
To sabotage true love:

Our king stood where he should have not
For while his men were dying
He promenaded on the roof
Their bathing wives espying

Seeing one that looked appealing
He summoned her with speed
They quickly rounded second base
And soon had done the deed

The king thought naught of it while he
Relaxed his male segment
But he was newly petrified
On hearing she was pregnant

About this time, her husband came
To bring news from the war
“Sir, our prospects are tremendous,
Just one fight or two more.”

Now, this man and the king were partners
Almost from pubescence
But since the wife now had been too
A plan was of the essence

“Go home and rest with your dear wife,”
Said King to cloak his fumble
(Surely he’ll think the child is his
After they sleep ensemble)

But hardly had the king expected
His soldier’s noble care
“My brothers lie on stones,” he said
And slept out on the stairs

At this the king was straight distraught
He knew his plan was foiled
In haste a new one he devised
This time better oiled

He wrote a letter, gave it him
Upon the man’s departure
“Take this to the general, please,
Sure-footed speedy marcher”

The man obeyed, not ever guessing
The sentence that it hid
For in the letter stood the words
“Make sure he doesn’t live”

The general, following the order
Placed him far ahead
Soon he was fighting all alone
And finally he was dead

The noble soldier never knew
He’d lost more than his life—
The same man who had taken that
Also had his wife

The king, with little time elapsed
Made the dame his bride
Then, like his virtue and her ex
Their newborn promptly died.